TOP 10! WORST! HOLLYWOOD! BOOB! JOBS!

// June 1st, 2009 // Not So Hott

But I still would love to rub them all! LOL!

Well all of them except for Donatella Versace – she looks scary! LOL!

Nothing makes shallow celebs happier than a stiff injection of saline solution. But just like with Kevin Costner’s acting career, things sometimes go horribly wrong. LOL!

No seriously. Some of these folks – look F**KED UP! DAMN! I wish I could cuss without censorship! F**kin’ advertisers! LOL!

AUDRINA PATRIDGE!

The Hills has a lot to answer for. This MTV-produced bucket of rotting fish bait was thrust upon our small screens in 2006. Audrina has probably had breast implants, as they look perkier and significantly larger than they used to. However, we forgive her; any girl’s boobs would droop in the presence of Spencer Pratt.

JEWEL!

Jewel’s musical career has been declining in recent years. A boob job can usually help fix a performer’s esteem at least for the foreseeable future. Unless that boob job leaves you with some bizarre wrinkles that look like your granny’s forehead when she is frowning as you try to explain to her what bukkake is.

JENNA JAMESON!

Well it’s no surprise to find Jenna on this list. Jenna’s boobs were once a 32DD and currently come in at a more petite 32C. At one point, her boobs looked like they were made from Play-Doh; You could definitely see Tommy Lee’s handprint there. And a bit of his arm (what do you mean that’s not his arm… oh… Wow!).

TORI SPELLING!

Tori is an evil genius. Bad boob job? Of course, but have you seen her face? We’re all too busy staring at her mammary glands to actually realize that Tori looks like that guy you keep seeing down at the market who has nice legs and boobs, but you are sure he is a guy because of his huge hands and chin (and moustache).

And you worry because you keep getting a bit of a chubby when you see him/her. But you also secretly like it. You want the man/woman/beast don’t you? And Tori knows that

TARA REID!

Way to go Tara, not easy to push Tori into 2nd place. Remember Tara in “American Pie”? She was cute, sexy, and incredibly hot. Fast forward 10 years and tell me if you had a choice between Tara Reid and a meat grinder, which you’d take home to introduce to your parents? Tara’s boob job is so nasty that she was once used by NASA to scare away a potential alien invasion. The extra-terrestrials took one look at those Hellish mounds and beat a hasty retreat. She is an all-American hero.

VICTORIA BECKHAM!

It was hard not to put Victoria in first place, her boobs are not just bad, they’re actually hilarious. Apparently she had them spaced like that deliberately to remind her of home, specifically, the English Channel. At some points, the English Channel is only 21 miles wide, just a bit slimmer than Overtanned Spice’s cleavage. Seriously, are they boobs or neoplastic benign tumors growing out from her armpits from frying her skin too much?

PAMELA ANDERSON!

The queen of the boob job. There was a point when Pammy’s breasts were so large that astronauts could seem them from outer space (or rather the dust that collected on top of them). Her boobs have been chopped up so much that her nipples are practically falling off. Pammy is so plastic that when she dies it will take 1,000 years for her body to decompose.

DONATELLA VERSACE!

The horror, the horror.

Is it me? Or does this tramp look like the Tales of the Crypt Creeper meets E.T. meets Skeletor meets a deform Muppet Baby with a severe case of anoxeria meets anything else that’s screwed up about ugly skinny middle-aged people with a bad tan spray-ons and a tacky a** bikini that’s about six sizes too big.

No seriously, this wench is like the epitome of every single insult that’s been made towards an ugly person while wearing shades on the beach – in the month of June.

DAMN – she’s an UGLY B**TCH!
(Sorry folks, I’m just in an evil mood today.) LOL! I’m just serious!

PAULA ABDUL!

I think it was just wrong of Simon Cowell to put Paula in a microwave. That’s what he did you know. Look at her. She looks like a prune with all the juice sucked out of her. If she got bitten by a vampire she would just explode like a piñata full of dust. Her boobs look like she uses them to weigh vegetables by hooking a balance on nipple rings. Yuck.

VIVICA FOXX!

Miss thing had such a bad boob job that “Vivicas” is now a term used to describe breasts that have hardened breast implants. Really, check the Urban Dictionary. Vivica played a hardened killer in Kill Bill Vol 1. No doubt she put her newfound skills to use by pounding the butcher who shoved an old pair of sandals in her chest cavity.